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making it public

I realize I never write in here.
I also relize how many times I have written I never write in here.

So here's a rather sorry 4 am attempt before I pass out.
My fiancee is a Corrections Officer aka Guard working night shift at a state prison here in pa. So my sleep schedule is all nuts.

My daughter is five now and in Pre School it would have been K but they said to put her in Pre because she JUST turned five at the end of July.

So she just started that today and absolutely loves it.
I am engaged but in no big hurry to get married --- I want a baby though -- so Im backwards that way I guess.
I don't want a baby NOW just sometime soon.

My fiancee reproposed to me in this moviesque kind of way on our Anniversary- which Ill have to update about later and somehow figure out how to post a pic under an LJ cut.

I live in a tiny tiny Central pa town I am probably no - I am the youngest mother around here at 26!!! I call it the retirment villa although no we are not living in a retirment community. Just seems like it most of the time.

I dont know if anyone actually reads this but believe it or not I keep up with Kristin , Jenna, Rob and Sarah, and ofcourse Ashley.
So if you happen to come across this on your friends page yep I read and I comment too.

Well I guess I shall see if anyone is going to actually read this and go on from there so this is'nt taking up anyone's friends page.

Emails with pictures of Osama Bin-Laden hanged are being sent and the
moment that you open these emails your computer will crash and you will not
be able to fix it!

If you get an email along the lines of "Osama Bin Laden Captured"

or "Osama Hanged" don't open the attachment.

This e-mail is being distributed through countries around the globe, but
mainly in the US and Israel.

Be considerate & send this warning to whomever you know.


You should be alert during the next days:
Do not open any message with an attached filed called

"Invitation" regardless of who sent it.

It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch which "burns" the whole hard disc
C of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in
his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to all your

It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and
open it.

If you receive a mail called "invitation", though sent by a friend, do not
open it and shut down your computer immediately.

This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified by
Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever.

This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet
for this kind of virus.

This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the
vital information is kept.

I don't know if this is allowed or not but I found this posted on the Myspace of my local Planned Parenthood and found it quite informative and it seems to cover all the common misconceptions about conception. Like I said if its not allowed the mods can feel free to delete it but I came across it and thought it was worth sharing.

Happy Birthday Jenna.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥Happy Birthday Jenna!!!!!!!!!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I realize I never write in this.

I stop by here about once a day to check on my Friends but never really write.

Well lets see whats to know........... hmmmmmm.

I got engaged on Christmas Day. to my friend of four years boyfriend of four months- thats a story in itself.

I have a four year old daughter named Adrianna cute as a button love her to death drives me completely insane.

My boyfriend Jeff. is a Prison Guard at a State Prison here in PA, Okay technically fiancee but thats such a weird word to me Im sure Ill get use to using it , then have to get used to saying husband.........

We are planning to get married in October of 08.

Considering trying for baby number two this year. I alittle nervous my last pregnancy the first trimester was torture.

I need to update my icons, add some pics to this thing actually get used to using it.

Oh and I ofcourse need to congratulate euphoric_dream (Ashley)on her beautiful baby boy.
Serendiptylove and ChurchofDisco (Kristin) on their upcoming little ones.

I could probably elaborate on somethings here and there but this is my first real entry so Ill leave it short and sweet.

Starting Over...

it is definitely not that I forgot about this Journal I have just had so much going on. For one I am out of the home I was sharing with my mother and boyfriend ( if you read my last Entry I said I found out about a month ago yesturday they had been having an affair for a year and a half since my father died.)

Awhile after them confessing so to speak I started talking to this Ex boyfriend of mine Jeff. I actually dated him while I was pregnant with my daughter. Anyway.. I fell so hard for him 4 years ago not even funny.. but I didnt feel it was right for him to step into a relationship where at some point hed be assuming position of daddy and boyfriend. So I never told him I how I really felt.  Shortly after I gave birth he emailed me and asked to come see me and the baby and I ignored the email. I knew if I saw him I would undoubtedly have all these feelings hit me again and I was already a nice post partum mess.

During our conversations I guess we both got to the point where we where like hell its been four years weve both been through alot of shit how about we spill it... he went first he did love me then he just thought I wasnt into it my token line at that time was Im not looking for a husband or daddy. So he thought I wasnt interested .

Theres alot more to it than that ofcourse but we decided to try it. and its been two weeks.

It feels like years though. maybe because we have known each other for so long. There is very little we dont know about the other.

Sometimes we just look at each other and we are thinking the same thing.

Its strange to be in a relationship with someone who does'nt yell he talks WE talk.

I was worried about Adrianna but she has adapted as if this is and has always been her home. and she adores him.

When I had her and I was going through Post Partum my OB told me that a child picks up on thier mothers emotions they feed off them  and if mom is miserable the child will be too. So I dont know I guess it could be that I am happy and I dont think Adrianna has seen mommy truly happy in years now so thats something new to her.

We live together we have a home I now have two hyper active dogs as well. He works at a State Prison same place my dad worked so my fears are there justified but I more than respect him for what he does cannot imagine how he does it and support him 100%.

So thats why I havent been around.

New home.

New relationship.

its been busy to say the least.

But Im here and will start to try and catch up.

Sep. 17th, 2005


Stolen from Jenna

Look at your LJ "interests" list. If you have fewer than 50 interests, pick every fifth one. If you have between fifty and seventy-five interests, pick every seventh one. If you have over seventy-five interests, pick every tenth one. If you have fewer than ten, pick all of 'em. List them on your LJ, and tell everyone exactly what it is about these things that interests you so much.

___ I decided to do this a little differently because I have 81 so I more or less edited it for favorites  in some cases.


 charlize theron,  the first movie I really noticed her in was Devils Advocate and other than the fact that her acting was awesome I could'nt believe how beautiful she was/ is and then to transform herself for Monster like she did it was as she became her character they looked so much alike.


, england beautiful country I lived there as a child and would love to go back for awhile

, , kate winslet,, Just a beautiful intelligent actress who seems to choose intelligent thought provoking roles rather than simply those of the pretty mom or girlfriend plus she can pull off blue hair a feat in itself =O)


 laughing til you cry,  there is probably few better feelings in the world than laughing so hard your stomach hurts


 , military life, ,  I grew up in the Military my dad enlisted when I was one and retired when I was seventeen I have lived on bases overseas and my father missed well pretty much my entire childhood because he was at sea there are some perks and some aspects (being with out your dad /mom/ husband /wife  for months upon months )

 natalie portman  adorable intelligent actress unique and in one of my favorite movies

panic attacks, sufferer of for years, medicated for.

 penn state,  met the daughter of  my father there conceived here there(I was at anotherCollege), then attended myself after having her beauitiful school considering returning

 philadephia, born there most of my extended family still lives there I love and sometimes miss parts of city life. I love to go home and visit.

 play therapy  was introduced to the practice by a Child Development Professor who was also a play therapist and the concept of how rather non evasively you can get to release fear anger anxiety through play rather than the old school " how did you feel when this happened? who hurt you? it felt like something I might like to do one day.

, pregnancy, so exciting and scary all at once I kinda felt like it was christmas you know all the excitement and anticipation and then you get  your beautiful little baby ( I did'nt forget the pain part either).

 rain, great time to cuddle up with a book or just sit and watch

  that baby smell, , so fresh and sweet there is just nothing that can duplicate it such a great smell

thrift stores never know what youll find and the prices are incredible

 vanilla,  warm sweet  I think it smells comforting

, vincent dinofrio, a big hunk of an actor I have always just had this odd attraction to I think literally big as in tall and broad men are sexy

  winter, I love sweater weather  from cool crisp chilly makes your nose red to crunchy crisp white snow. Oh and Christmas is a part of winter too and I LOVE Chrsitmas


We have been together that long!!